What ON EARTH is going on round this office? Everybody knows that I’M the chief meeter and greeter in the office but lately a lot of doors seem to have been shut in my face and I have been prevented from carrying out my duties, as outlined in my job description.

I can’t understand it. Clients love my tap dancing welcome routine on the laminate floor boards as they come through the door; they adore it when I jump up and down a lot to say hello; and they love it when I bring them little cuddly bear gifts – even when I don’t let them keep it. So what’s the big idea?

Recently, I’ve adopted some protest strategies to deal with this unwelcome corporate move:

1. Lying in doorways to stop the door being shut. This has had mixed results as members of staff are often heard to be muttering under their breath when they step over me.  In any case, they’re all bigger than me and they just shut the door anyway.
2. Scrabbling at the shut door. Mixed results here again as nobody likes a door with peeling paint.
3. Barking at the door. A very successful tactic as, in a confined space with other staff, this has the effect of making their ears bleed and they usually let me out of the room quite quickly. Unfortunately, they also tend to slam it shut again behind me.
4. Picking up something unauthorised to eat and throwing it up again shortly afterwards. The most successful tactic so far as usually ALL the doors are immediately thrown open including all the outside ones too.

Whilst I am quite good at getting my own way in having total access to the rest of the office, I’m concerned that my approach is causing my ‘aww’ factor to wear thin and they’ll replace me with another fake plant. I shall probably concentrate on perfecting my tribute to Puss in Boots from Shrek instead – humans are suckers for my puppy dog eyes.

Woof woof for now.

The name’s Google… Google the poodle. I’m the chief meeter and greeter at Suncoast Internet. I take my role as guardian of the reception desk very seriously and I ensure each visitor is given a thorough welcome…whether they like it or not.

My job description includes spotting visitors before the rest of the staff, jumping up and down with excitement and running from room to room in a display of total and utter (workplace appropriate) joy. Visitors can also expect additional welcome apparatus in the form of a Winnie the Pooh or, if they are really well behaved, a piece of paper from a waste paper bin, as this will help them in their meeting.

I prefer to be included in important meetings as there are key contributions that I can make. If people have forgotten to invite me into the meeting room, I always make it my business to remind them about it by making the relevant "what about me" noises outside as, currently, I can’t quite reach the door handle.

I also help keep the staff in check as sometimes they can become unruly. See photo for an illustration of my HR techniques.

If you need advice about how to conduct yourself, your visitors or your staff in the workplace, just ask Google.

Woof woof for now.